I made a decision in August of 2011 that lead to a life-altering experience in September of that year. (Later, I would understand this was a near death experience, or NDE. See my first post, January 2014.) This event clearly illustrated for me that the curve balls in my life had each been a distinct wakeup call from my Soul, patiently waiting for me to open my eyes so I could see the path I was truly meant to follow.
Once I "woke up," I had to deal with some of the darkest days but they too were rich with blessings. True family and friends revealed themselves. I humbly acknowledged the mistakes of many years and began making amends wherever possible, lifting great weight off my shoulders. The serendipity and synchronicity of a more authentic life began unfolding for me with incredible frequency. I became like a kid in a candy store; always like a child on Christmas morning. I woke each day asking myself "What is going to happen today?!"
Being a scientist, I wanted to understand how and why my life was changing, mainly because I wanted to hold onto the tremendously deep sense of peace that had settled over my life. I set out to find answers. In early 2012 I saw a couple of therapists. Because their practices revolve around depression and anxiety and because my NDE was from an emotional trauma rather than a physical one, neither doctor recognized that I'd had an NDE. They saw that my history was emotionally unhealthy and lauded the actions I'd taken to end a toxic cycle for the sake of my children. They helped me take the first steps in the process of healing the pain born generations before me, to grasp the depth and breadth of this legacy. They were tremendously helpful but the work of understanding and healing the past seemed retrospective, I had my sights set on a wonderful future. I felt like a race horse at the starting gate. I needed to run, but I didn't know which way to go.
In April of 2012, I found my way to Mystic Valley Book Store. (See my February 2014 post.) There I found people who could relate to my new "vision." In June of that same year, I joined a study group, comprised of "seekers" like myself. The group was amazing and I learned so much from them. After some months though, something just didn't seem right, I felt I needed to move faster still. Somehow I knew a new teacher would come to me. In the fall of 2012, I found myself in Creve Coeur Watch and Jewelry. Funny thing, the owner, Darlene, knew someone who wanted to teach. I knew nothing about this new teacher, Josephine, and due to time constraints, starting her class would necessitate cutting ties with the familiar group that had become the biggest part of my new family. It was an extremely difficult decision but I began classes with Josephine in January 2013. After my first class, on January 7, I asked God for a sign that I was on the right track, that this was where I needed to be. The response was loud and clear.
On January 9th after a very long day at work, I hit the sack, completely exhausted. David was still up watching TV. As I began to fall asleep, I found myself out in our front yard! It was very odd. This was not a dream state. I could actually FEEL the cold bricks beneath my feet, the prickly feel of the shrubbery on my fingertips. I was lucid and out of my body! I had heard of astral projection and thought this must be what was happening. I walked up the front steps and opened our front door, feeling the cold brass knob in my hand. In the foyer, I looked around, yes, there were the dusty baseboards. I walked into the guest bathroom, felt the cold marble, running my hand along the entire length of the vanity. I wondered...Can I sit down?! Yep, felt the toilet under me! Oh wow, this is SOOOO cool!!! Then I walked into the kitchen. I wanted to see if I could find the coffee grounds in the basket.......and then David sat down on the bed and brought me back to my normal, waking consciousness. In a very groggy state, I tried to relate to him what had just happened to me. I was thrilled and wanted to go "back" again, but fell asleep in the process of trying.
Sometime during the night, I had a dream. The quality of the dream was unusual, a very different "feeling" that I can't describe. This was a new feeling for me. In this dream, I was in our family room with two fawns and a big black dog. I knew they needed to be moved outdoors. I was not afraid of this unfamiliar dog. I picked him up under his front legs and my right hand was severely pinched. It was as if he had bitten me with his "armpit," but intuitively, I knew he did not mean for it to happen. I released the dog from my hold and looked at it. We gazed into each other's eyes. In a telepathic transmission of knowledge (which I'd also never experienced before) the dog quite clearly said to me "I am sorry I hurt you. I didn't WANT to do it, but I HAD to." Even in this dream state, I was completely amazed that this dog could communicate with me, using only our minds. Then, in my dream, I lead the two fawns out into our back yard, encouraging them to move away, where they needed to go.
I awoke from this dream still feeling a tremendous sense of connection to this dog.....this was not just a dream. It was significant and I needed to understand it. I sat up in bed, looking out into the darkness, trying to understand the message I'd just received. It was then that the vision appeared. With my eyes open, I saw the most bizarre vision I'd seen in my life to that point. Shattered shards of thick glass, with electrified edges surrounded me. The shards were a variety of muted colors and the edges coursed with currents of visible electricity....like lightning around the edges of each piece. The pieces then came flying together to form a picture in front of me. It was a cartoon "drawing" of a man dressed in 1940's attire. He looked like Dick Tracy from the old comic strips. I blinked my eyes.....What in the world is happening to me?!?! When my eyes were closed, the vision remained. Opened eyes.....vision still there. Then, the "cartoon" shattered again, back into a million electrified pieces around me. The tiny electric glass bits came together again to reveal the same "Dick Tracy" sort of man, but this time in another pose. Again and again, the electrified glass shattered and came together, reforming to create picture after picture for me. Sometimes it would be more than one character, other times, just the man, but always, in the cartoon style. I can't tell you how long this vision state lasted. I blinked, shook my head, tried everything I could to control this vision, but I couldn't. Then, just as suddenly as it had come to me, it was gone. I blinked, shook my head, did everything I could think of to make it come back, but it was not to be.
I was shaken up. The dog and the vision were pulsing in my mind. These were profound experiences for me. I was completely confused and somewhat frightened. I woke David up and with as much coherence as I could muster in this condition, tried to relate the experiences to him. He just held me until I was able to fall asleep.
I slept through the rest of the night, and awoke feeling like a different person, although, again, I can't really explain how I'd changed. I got out of bed and furiously began journaling the night's experiences. I had to recall every detail and try to understand......the astral projection, the dog in my dream, the vision.....so much to digest.
As I got dressed for work, I felt like I was on a different plane. Everything was a bit surreal and fuzzy for me still. I felt like I was actually WATCHING myself go through my morning routine. As I packed my lunch for work, my youngest daughter came to the kitchen for breakfast. She said "Mom, I had the coolest dream last night! You were leading two baby deer in the back yard! They were so cute!" You could have knocked me over with a feather. We'd shared parts of the same dream! I'd heard of mutual dreaming, but had never experienced it. I was shaking again. This was incredible!
So much to process. My mind couldn't focus. All day I was lost in thought about everything that happened over the course of roughly eight hours the night before....how and why?! Then it came to me. Three days before, I'd asked for a sign that I was on the right track. I'd received not one but FOUR signs. For me, these were signs of expanding consciousness. Everything I'd been learning about the mind and connection to our Creator (God, Source, etc.,) was beginning to tangibly reveal itself to me in remarkable ways and all I had to do was ask.
Once again, I'd been richly rewarded for stepping out of my comfort zone. I am nothing if not a creature of habit, but I followed my gut, took a chance, made a change where the outcome was far from certain and the end result was beyond my wildest dreams....literally! I'm beginning to recognize the signs "life" gives me when I'm stubbornly pushing my own agenda, when I need to adjust my course, when my plan isn't THE plan. I'm beginning to trust that part of me that can't logically be explained and slowly learning to let go of the reins with the belief that things will work out for the best. I think this is what "Thy will be done" means for me!
Please forgive typos and grammatical errors. This writing comes in a flow from the heart and I admit, I am not perfect!
In April of 2012, I found my way to Mystic Valley Book Store. (See my February 2014 post.) There I found people who could relate to my new "vision." In June of that same year, I joined a study group, comprised of "seekers" like myself. The group was amazing and I learned so much from them. After some months though, something just didn't seem right, I felt I needed to move faster still. Somehow I knew a new teacher would come to me. In the fall of 2012, I found myself in Creve Coeur Watch and Jewelry. Funny thing, the owner, Darlene, knew someone who wanted to teach. I knew nothing about this new teacher, Josephine, and due to time constraints, starting her class would necessitate cutting ties with the familiar group that had become the biggest part of my new family. It was an extremely difficult decision but I began classes with Josephine in January 2013. After my first class, on January 7, I asked God for a sign that I was on the right track, that this was where I needed to be. The response was loud and clear.
On January 9th after a very long day at work, I hit the sack, completely exhausted. David was still up watching TV. As I began to fall asleep, I found myself out in our front yard! It was very odd. This was not a dream state. I could actually FEEL the cold bricks beneath my feet, the prickly feel of the shrubbery on my fingertips. I was lucid and out of my body! I had heard of astral projection and thought this must be what was happening. I walked up the front steps and opened our front door, feeling the cold brass knob in my hand. In the foyer, I looked around, yes, there were the dusty baseboards. I walked into the guest bathroom, felt the cold marble, running my hand along the entire length of the vanity. I wondered...Can I sit down?! Yep, felt the toilet under me! Oh wow, this is SOOOO cool!!! Then I walked into the kitchen. I wanted to see if I could find the coffee grounds in the basket.......and then David sat down on the bed and brought me back to my normal, waking consciousness. In a very groggy state, I tried to relate to him what had just happened to me. I was thrilled and wanted to go "back" again, but fell asleep in the process of trying.
Sometime during the night, I had a dream. The quality of the dream was unusual, a very different "feeling" that I can't describe. This was a new feeling for me. In this dream, I was in our family room with two fawns and a big black dog. I knew they needed to be moved outdoors. I was not afraid of this unfamiliar dog. I picked him up under his front legs and my right hand was severely pinched. It was as if he had bitten me with his "armpit," but intuitively, I knew he did not mean for it to happen. I released the dog from my hold and looked at it. We gazed into each other's eyes. In a telepathic transmission of knowledge (which I'd also never experienced before) the dog quite clearly said to me "I am sorry I hurt you. I didn't WANT to do it, but I HAD to." Even in this dream state, I was completely amazed that this dog could communicate with me, using only our minds. Then, in my dream, I lead the two fawns out into our back yard, encouraging them to move away, where they needed to go.
I awoke from this dream still feeling a tremendous sense of connection to this dog.....this was not just a dream. It was significant and I needed to understand it. I sat up in bed, looking out into the darkness, trying to understand the message I'd just received. It was then that the vision appeared. With my eyes open, I saw the most bizarre vision I'd seen in my life to that point. Shattered shards of thick glass, with electrified edges surrounded me. The shards were a variety of muted colors and the edges coursed with currents of visible electricity....like lightning around the edges of each piece. The pieces then came flying together to form a picture in front of me. It was a cartoon "drawing" of a man dressed in 1940's attire. He looked like Dick Tracy from the old comic strips. I blinked my eyes.....What in the world is happening to me?!?! When my eyes were closed, the vision remained. Opened eyes.....vision still there. Then, the "cartoon" shattered again, back into a million electrified pieces around me. The tiny electric glass bits came together again to reveal the same "Dick Tracy" sort of man, but this time in another pose. Again and again, the electrified glass shattered and came together, reforming to create picture after picture for me. Sometimes it would be more than one character, other times, just the man, but always, in the cartoon style. I can't tell you how long this vision state lasted. I blinked, shook my head, tried everything I could to control this vision, but I couldn't. Then, just as suddenly as it had come to me, it was gone. I blinked, shook my head, did everything I could think of to make it come back, but it was not to be.
I was shaken up. The dog and the vision were pulsing in my mind. These were profound experiences for me. I was completely confused and somewhat frightened. I woke David up and with as much coherence as I could muster in this condition, tried to relate the experiences to him. He just held me until I was able to fall asleep.
I slept through the rest of the night, and awoke feeling like a different person, although, again, I can't really explain how I'd changed. I got out of bed and furiously began journaling the night's experiences. I had to recall every detail and try to understand......the astral projection, the dog in my dream, the vision.....so much to digest.
As I got dressed for work, I felt like I was on a different plane. Everything was a bit surreal and fuzzy for me still. I felt like I was actually WATCHING myself go through my morning routine. As I packed my lunch for work, my youngest daughter came to the kitchen for breakfast. She said "Mom, I had the coolest dream last night! You were leading two baby deer in the back yard! They were so cute!" You could have knocked me over with a feather. We'd shared parts of the same dream! I'd heard of mutual dreaming, but had never experienced it. I was shaking again. This was incredible!
So much to process. My mind couldn't focus. All day I was lost in thought about everything that happened over the course of roughly eight hours the night before....how and why?! Then it came to me. Three days before, I'd asked for a sign that I was on the right track. I'd received not one but FOUR signs. For me, these were signs of expanding consciousness. Everything I'd been learning about the mind and connection to our Creator (God, Source, etc.,) was beginning to tangibly reveal itself to me in remarkable ways and all I had to do was ask.
Once again, I'd been richly rewarded for stepping out of my comfort zone. I am nothing if not a creature of habit, but I followed my gut, took a chance, made a change where the outcome was far from certain and the end result was beyond my wildest dreams....literally! I'm beginning to recognize the signs "life" gives me when I'm stubbornly pushing my own agenda, when I need to adjust my course, when my plan isn't THE plan. I'm beginning to trust that part of me that can't logically be explained and slowly learning to let go of the reins with the belief that things will work out for the best. I think this is what "Thy will be done" means for me!
Please forgive typos and grammatical errors. This writing comes in a flow from the heart and I admit, I am not perfect!
